


you are my obsession

by johnils (eggtarts)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M, another one of those filler fic, im sorry for this messy fic, this was supposed to be a full out angst but welp, where is my great fic comeback (we will never know)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-23
Updated: 2016-09-23
Packaged: 2018-08-16 21:13:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8117761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eggtarts/pseuds/johnils
Summary: jaehyun loves johnny a little bit too much. johnny doesn't love jaehyun.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [johnjaes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/johnjaes/gifts).



Seo Youngho was not a good lover. And Jung Jaehyun knew this (and yet had continued to love the latter). And Jaehyun _never_ told Youngho to leave, not even once.

  


Youngho’s priorities in life does not include Jaehyun at all and in fact, the younger male was never meant to be part of the Chicago man’s life. They were not supposed to meet, much more to even fall in love with one another (or had it all just been Jaehyun’s one-sided feelings for the older male that had all lead the two of them to what they are now). Youngho _hated_ commitment, that was given and rather he replaced them with lust, casual flings and one night stands - Youngho had always been someone who is fond of physical and intimate actions, one that required less emotional and more motions. Jaehyun on the other hand, had a heart of gold and a room in his house (and heart) for Youngho to crash when the brunette isn’t sober enough to get himself back home at late nights.

  


It started with a rough kiss when Youngho was drunk once upon a time. Jaehyun had always knew the other male had always taken a liking for alcohol to the point that it sometimes gets out of hand (because alcohol made Youngho a mess and a messy Youngho loved playing Jaehyun like a useless piece of chess). And because of that, bad circumstances and downfall are bound to happen on nights that Youngho is drunk, it always ended up with him and Jaehyun in bed for many reasons on various nights.

  


The first time it had happened, Youngho had come knocking on Jaehyun’s apartment door. It was an asshole move, Youngho would had admitted if he was sober _but_ he wasn’t. Youngho had been pushing Jaehyun away the past days, _weeks even_ and despite all the rejection for more than just one time, Jaehyun was never one to take it in terms of a grudge or in mind as he welcomed the drunken male into his apartment. The younger male knew better that a drunk Youngho wasn’t any better than the sober Youngho and in fact, as if Youngho wasn’t already an asshole when the male is in his usual self, drunk Youngho wasn’t any better.

  


“Why do you love me?” Youngho casually questioned the younger male as he slumped his entire body against Jaehyun for support that only made them both toppled over the bed. Jaehyun repositioned Johnny so the older male is the one laying down on the bed before he answered the other male.

  


Jaehyun gazed at Youngho, studying the facial features of the older male; Youngho's cheeks and ears are red from not being sober but yet the two of them held a firm eye-contact until Jaehyun broke his gaze from the other male and answered the male. “There are many reasons but simply no reasons at all too”, Jaehyun simply answered as he glanced down at Youngho once again and tried to tuck the drunken male with the bed covers only for the older male to stop him and to have Jaehyun being pinned down on the bed instead. The male may be drunk but Youngho still has the physical ability to bring Jaehyun down.

  


Youngho smirked. "Will you still love me if I violate you?"

  


Jaehyun kept his gaze on the older male, holding a firm eye-contact for a few long seconds. _“Try me",_ Jaehyun daunted.

  


Johnny wasn’t entirely taken aback over Jaehyun’s bold statement but he was mad at how the younger male would throw himself away just like that and regardless of how many times Youngho had rejected him and had even made use of the younger male for his own pleasure at some point, Jaehyun still let Youngho have his ways. Youngho kissed Jaehyun hard and rough with passion and hatred put to use and while Jaehyun allowed the older male to violate him with kisses, a small part of the younger male had allowed Youngho more into his heart.

  


Seeing how Youngho wasn't really surprised by the action, Youngho pulled himself away, still feeling all too mad and in rage while the younger male just looked at him all too confused.

  


"What's wrong?" Jaehyun asked immediately, worried that he had done something that made the older male displeased.

  


"No, what's wrong with _you_? Why aren't you mad at me? Why do you let me violate you? Why are you being so nice to someone mean like me?" Youngho had far too many question for the kind male. Youngho can have anything in world and thinks that he deserved them but he _certainly_ does not deserve Jaehyun and he knows that pretty clearly.

  


"There's nothing wrong with me. What are you talking about, Youngho-ah", Jaehyun laughed softly as if nothing was wrong with this or him, though hinted with sadness but not because he was sad that Youngho had questioned him but sad because Youngho looked so in rage that it somehow made Jaehyun feels guilty because he thought that he was the cause of Youngho's fury.

  


"No. There _is_ something wrong with you. I pushed you away and rejected you countless of times. I abused and violated you. I take your kisses and freedom without your consent. Why are you not mad at me? Why are you still here?" Youngho tried not to rage too much but he simply was because Jaehyun is dumb and the other male had deserved so much better. He deserved more than Youngho could offer.

  


"Youngho-ah… Let’s be calm and talk through about us, okay?” Jaehyun tried to coaxed the mad male, only to be pushed away roughly.

  


“No, Jaehyun. I’m leaving. For good. I should have left earlier before you got all obsessed with me”, Youngho stood up, still feeling slightly drowsy from the alcohol he had consumed earlier but had managed to stay composed.

  


Jaehyun grabbed the older male’s arms immediately and desperately. With a forced laughed, Jaehyun spoke, “You’re just leaving to get more beer right? You’ll be coming back home, right?”. Jaehyun’s eyes wavered with desperation as Johnny stared back at the meek male.

  


“No, Jaehyun”, Johnny mumbled, prying the man's strong grip off his arms while heading towards the door. “You need some help.”

  


“What help?” Jaehyun’s laughter turned more forced than before, almost as if to hide his

  


quavering voice. “I don’t need any help or anyone when I have you”, Jaehyun’s words were firm to its meaning as he smiled warily and tried to grip onto Johnny more. The younger male was relentless and Johnny was not going to have any of it.

  


A hand then whipped across Jaehyun’s face with a cold-faced Johnny staring back at him. Jaehyun’s cheeks were throbbing in pain but it does not hurt as much as compared to his heart. The younger male’s vision were teary and blurred but before anything, Johnny had walked out of the door before Jaehyun could get his senses back. Jaehyun rushed out of the door, wanting to run to where Johnny was going but had been all too weak to catch up with the other male due to the rather traumatizing incident of being slapped. Jaehyun fell and scraped his knee but it does not hurt despite being all bloody when the pain in his heart felt more painful that his scraped knee.

  


Johnny’s figure became more distant as Jaehyun sat on the grey pavement; hopeless and weak.

  
  
  
  


Years passed since that day but Jaehyun had never been the same since then. The cheery boy he used to be was long gone, replaced with him being all isolated and cold to everyone. If his physical appearance had seemed different from not eating that made him lose weight, his mental state were no better. 

  


Psychiatrist and therapy were not much of a help, even if the effects were little that had at least made Jaehyun seemed ‘normal’ sometimes, deep inside and without his psychiatrist knowing, Jaehyun still sees Johnny all around the street he walked, the shop he goes into, and even the benches he passes by every time he goes for his evening walk. Jaehyun simple couldn’t let Johnny go even when it has been years since then. That’s why when he actually saw Johnny on the street, recognizing the male’s laughter, Jaehyun had began his obsessive behaviour once again.

  
_“Johnny?”_

**Author's Note:**

> idk this mess im sorry. also unbeta'd so pls forgive me idk // twt: j0hnils


End file.
